I like old people. In fact, I like old people more than almost any group in this country (except baristas). They tell wonderful stories. They don't care about the things you normal folk care about (clothes, iPads, smelling like humans, nalgene bottles). They speak their mind, regardless of evidence or audience. Best of all, oldies give great advice. But those wrinkly ones do have their faults. They often smell weird, and have moley hands. They shake when you talk at them. They can barely lift a bag of granola. And, as stated before, they speak their mind with no regard for evidence or audience.
Have you ever watched anything with someone that is 70+? It could be a sporting event, movie, or even TV show. If so, you've had to deal with the inevitable rant about how things used to be so much better. Take a movie for example. Say you're watching a great film like The Big Lebowski (which Mr. Depends will frequently ask, "What's happening?"). After all of the questions about the plot fall through an old person usually turns to brag about the movies of yore. They say things like, "In my time films had stars; actors that you just don't see anymore," (Because they're dead). They then give you a hall-of-fame list of actors (such as: Audrey Hepburn, Marlon Brando, Charlie Chaplin, Clarke Gable, Orson Welles, Henry Fonda, Charlton Heston, Fred Astaire, and a great number more). After about 30 minutes they'll complete their account. Give them a Werthers Original (actually any hard candy will do) and an hour to catch their breath before giving up on a rebuttal. Forget that Mr. 'Mad he's going to die soon' named off the Hollywood Walk of Fame and that his 'time' covered nearly an entire century. It doesn't matter that he pit the greatest of all time against one movie. Facts are irrelevant with old people. They don't want to change (mostly because by the time the process is complete they'd have about four months left). The only thing you can do is say something like, "This [insert actor] is actually [insert famous old-time actor]'s grandson/daughter. It will make them intrigued and allow you to watch in semi-peace. It won't end the weird body noises or the "what'd he say"'s, but it's better than the alternative. This process can work in almost any situation. You can say things like, Michael Vick is Johnny Unitas' grandson.' They can't dispute it because they don't know how to work Windows Explorer.
Let me reiterate my love for elderly individuals. I like old people a lot. They knew a bunch of stuff and come in useful on birthdays. So give em a break because whatever group you belong to is far from perfect (that is unless you part of Bieber-Fever Relievers).
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