Everyone thinks I'm vain. They think that I think that I'm good at everything (most likely because they think the same too). But I have bad news. There are certain activities and specificities that make me look...well...more like you. So for the Christmas (not HOLIDAY!) season I will do something I'm not very good at: admit that I'm more or less average in certain aspects of my life. The following are the areas I struggle with:
Losing: The saying goes, 'practice makes perfect.' Well I don't have much practice in losing. It's hard for me to do because it takes even more effort than winning. It doesn't matter whether it's a sporting event, board game, or just some competitive eating contest. When some regular person is my competition the result is an inevitably victory. In the rare case that I do lose (usually by choice), I'm at odds at how to react. Do I congratulate the winner? Or do I cry? I really don't know...good thing those awkward moments are rare.
Soccer: For some stupid reason soccer (don't call it futbol) is gaining popularity. This is bad news for me because I'm an awful futboler. I'm sure that I'd be great if I wanted to, but why? Who wants to run around acting like he/she's having fun? The alleged sport is about as unexciting as it looks. For ninety minutes two teams pretend to strategically score as few goals as possible and then the fans follow suit by masquerading as rioters in Watts. And they call Europe civilized...
Drawing: I can't draw. I can barely trace. But who cares? We have cameras now.
Folding Clothes: Once upon a time I worked at Hollister. My main job was folding jeans in four different ways. I quit after one shift. Today I wish I knew how to fold anything. It's okay though because I married this person and it's one of her strengths.
Meeting Other Couples: I am not one who excels at being fake, or disingenuous. Unfortunately those are the two prerequisites for successful encounters with couples that are not immediate friends. I'm usually confused about whether or not I should go for a hug or handshake (If either of them go for a cheek kiss or pound I immediately vacate the county). The worst part is that the two humans rarely talk to me or about me. I then have to ask about their boring lives in hopes that they return the favor. And then once they discover me it's a minimum of three straight hours of my stories and experiences. Shoot me now....
Other things I am not best at: Dealing with bros, eating sushi, dropping the ball, and taking a backseat.
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