Basketball--DON'T PISS ME OFF!

I stopped by the rec center for a quick game of a sport that white kids like me aren't supposed to be good at: basketball.  I put on my tight Nikes (they are fashionably 'tight' and they fit tight).  I walk in and half the players in there already knew me.  I am somewhat of an unforgettable person.  Anyways, the newbs in there didn't think much of my potential.  I was wearing shorter shorts (not John Stockton nutters) and an old generic jersey.  Also, being of Irish descent and having fluffy hair isn't always the best way to get street cred.

So I get picked up as an afterthought on a team full of wannabe ballers.  The first few possessions go through the other guys...they missed a three, airballed a mid-range jumper, and botched two layups.  I had touched the ball once in those four possessions.

Needless to say I was getting a little annoyed.  We were down 3-0 and I really hate losing (people usually hate the unknown).  Seeing as how these clowns were pretty much worthless I demanded the ball.  I go down hit a pull-up three (3's are worth 2 and everything else is worth 1...it's the way it is) and then steal the inbound pass and scored a layup to tie the game.  The next time down I drove the lane and kicked it to tard face (I don't know his name, but he was extremely tard face-ish) for a wide open three and he proceeded to hit the top of the backboard.  That would be the last time I let him touch the ball.

The other team went on a 2-0 run to make it 5-3 and I was starting to realize that there are no players on my team.  I came to a point where I had to decide...do I let these guys keep shooting, or do I win the game on my own?  I decided to be nice and take over the game.

I hit 4 more threes and made three layups to bring our score to 14 (games are played to 15).  The score was knotted at 14s and I could tell the guys were looking for me to win the game.  But my humility swelled and I thought that the best thing for me to do was allow one of these humans to repay me by making the game-winning shot.  I set it up perfectly (as I usually do) and gave one of my teammates a wide open shot at the top of the key.  He didn't hesitate, and shot a perfectly awful airball (as he usually does).  I snatched it in the air and hit a layup to win the game.

I didn't celebrate or even smile.  Why would I?  Do you get all excited every time you pee?  Do you celebrate normal everyday activities?  NO!  So why would I get all hyped up about scoring every single point in a game winning effort?  It's not like I was playing Kobe Bryant (Although one of the guys on the other team was wearing a Kobe jersey).  These kids were nothing but average, and that doesn't cut it against elite players such as myself.

**Side note:  Every time you see a guy wearing an NBA Jersey there is a 93% chance that he has no idea how to play basketball.  He will call every foul possible and completely misunderstand what constitutes traveling.  

So what I am getting at is do not mis-underestimate me.  It makes me mad and when I am mad I get angry.  To quote the Great Double-J Jeff Jarrett, "Don't piss me off!"  Follow that rule and your life will improve.

(Below: Jeff Jarrett) 

All in all I gained three new followers.