Hubris Chris: I am the King of Dance. I am the Dancing Queen.

I watch Dancing with The Stars. You probably do too, but for different reasons. Originally I was defiant towards allowing my eyes to be rotted by the sexuality and smut that plagues the series; but it has grown on me (I'm open-minded unlike you). Anyways, When I sit on my couch observing the B-listers foxtrot their way to the next round I become more than a simple viewer. I'm looking at the footwork, at the hands, the musicality and most importantly the lack of talent that most of them possess. I do it because I am one of the top 100 dancers in the entire world. I'm not formally trained and I have never been in a dance studio. The way I look at it is that associating myself with novice dancers would only bring me down. I'm a natural, and unlike the food world, natural tastes better.

I have been given varying compliments about my rhythmic movement and all of them are accurate. For example, these phrases were tossed at me at a few weddings over the summer.

"Whoa!"

"I've heard of cutting a rug, but your movement cut my soul." (Obviously in a good way)

"I guess it doesn't take two to tango."

"Ive never seen a successful Sundance at night. You've opened my eyes and made me whole."

"What's your name? Your Samba is sensational. Forgive me for inquiring, but did you attend Julliard on a full scholarship?"

No, I didn't attend Julliard; I don't need to listen to a bunch of hack dance professors to be great. I just listen to the music and express myself via body movement....it's not that hard. Dance is simple for the talented and difficult for the dull. My secret: If you work hard and put your mind to it you can accomplish some things, not anything. If you want to be as good as me, the only thing you can do is pray, because what I have is God-given.

I think I am to dance what Cappuccinos are to hot beverages. I may not be the most popular, but when given the choice between my froth and flavor and a regular cup of coffee the only holdup is the price. If you could afford me everyday, I'd be waltzing my way into your heart on a Monday through Friday basis (weekends are full of book signings and appearances in children's hospitals).

So when Dancing with the Stars comes calling, you all will be able to see Kari Ann Inaba give me 10's even if my partner falls.

Below I have given you a visual lesson.

I teach Children and Cowboys tape me